I spend a majority of my time scrolling through articles about zodiac signs. So far, I've read about which purse each sign should sport or where the zodiac signs will live when they're older, and so on. But one I've never stumbled upon? How to pick a snack for your zodiac. Everybody loves snacks, so I figured why not make it myself.
I can't begin to tell you how many times I've read my horoscope of the week only to find myself confused by Mercury's retrograde and how that somehow affects my fate.
#mercurious
As it turns out, unless you are interested in how your sign's love life is going to play out in the next week, you can skip reading your weekly horoscope from now on. I'm sure you'll find a much better description of [*insert your zodiac sign here*], by reading the personality traits of each sign.
I've compiled some notes for those who are, like me, astrologically challenged, things I have actually been able to pick through and understand the signs. I mean, what's really more important here: knowing which snack for your zodiac most likely satisfies your cravings or knowing what is supposed to happen to you because a planet spun a certain way even though it probably won't affect your life at all? I think we all know the answer to that one (and hint, it's not the latter).
Alright—now enjoy finding your new favorite snack for your zodiac below.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19): Flamin' Hot Cheetos
Passionate, energetic, bold, and fiery, Flamin' Hot Cheetos are an Aries' snack. With a nice color and a great taste, this snack sure knows how to pack in a punch. Word of advice: Keep a water bottle on hand when you're eating a lot of these guys at once.
If you're not a fan of spicy foods, you can opt for any type of Cheeto and it'll hit the spot.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): Sun Chip
You can't get more stable, reliable, and down-to-earth than a Taurus...or Sun Chips. They come in four flavors, and just like a Taurus, this snack will never let you down.
Original is great and all, but if you really want a craving-quencher, I recommend the Harvest Cheddar for beginners and Garden Salsa after that.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20): Popcorn
Fitting in with every crowd in every situation with a light, airy, fun, bubbly personality, popcorn fits the picture of a Gemini perfectly. So, the only thing that's missing from a Gemini's life? A big ole' bag of popcorn.
It's very entertaining to be friends with a Gemini, and nothing screams "ENTERTAINMENT" like popcorn.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22): Yogurt- Covered Pretzels
Every friend group has that one they call the mom friend. Yeah, that's the Cancer of the group. Generally very sweet and only a tiny bit salty from their occasion tears, yogurt-covered pretzels are a Cancer's food.
Salty underneath and sweet on the outside, while still displaying their maturity...sounds a lot like a Cancer to me.
LEO (July 23 - August 22): Salt and Vinegar Chips
If any chip were to be talkative, outgoing, and always wanting to be the center of attention, salt & vinegar chips immediately come to mind.
Leos, grab a big handful from the bowl in the center of the snack table and I guarantee your hand will be covered in salt and vinegar chips.
Like you, Leos, salt and vinegar chips stand out and their pure taste alone is loud, strong, and always in the spotlight.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22): Dark Chocolate
Perfection is a word that Virgos strive to achieve, and that dark chocolate already is. You can't be more organized or on top of your life than a Virgo is.
As healthy and hardworking as Virgos are, they need a snack to keep them running while they work. As a health food, rich in antioxidants, that improves brain function, dark chocolate is a Virgo's favorite snack, and new best friend, when they're trying to concentrate and get in the zone (and the rest of the time, too).
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22): Veggie Chips
Having the perfect balance between a veggie and a chip, there is no better snack for a Libra to munch on than veggie chips.
Libras are balanced and find a way to reach a compromise in every scenario. They are very social and people are typically drawn to them because of their gentle ways and their inclination to share with others. Now I don't know about any of you, but when I want a balanced snack, I reach for the veggie chips before anything else (granted I am on the cusp of Libra).
Veggie chips are indecisive, (Are you a vegetable or a snack? Make up your mind!) but just like Libras, we still love 'em.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21): Nacho Cheese Doritos
Scorpios are probably the most fun people you will ever meet, and they are passionate and true friends. They're deep and mysterious and drawn you in really fast.
Scorpios, try Nacho Cheese Doritos. They're fun and definitely not just a one-time snack. Once you taste one chip, you want to keep coming back for more. Sound familiar, Scorpios?
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21): Fritos
This unique sign paired with this unique chip is an amazing combination of a Sagittarius and a Frito. Individual, spontaneous, and adventurous, Sagittarii are everything that Fritos strive to be.
Sagittarii and Fritos are both completely individual, unique, different from everybody else and proud of it. Fritos have an unusual shape that doesn't stop them from being an awesome snack, just as Sagittarii have unique personalities and are still awesome people.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19): Wheat Thins
Capricorns are driven, responsible, and disciplined. Yes, they may be a little bland at times, but they have very good self-control and do not fit the negative image a lot of others have on them—which resemble Wheat Thins completely.
While Wheat Thins may seem bland, they are actually a great, yummy snack, and are often misunderstood, as are Capricorns. Wheat Thins are a safe snack for Capricorns because these crackers aren't messy and won't distract them from their responsibilities.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18): Cool Ranch Doritos
Like a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, an Aquarius is shy, quiet, trustworthy, and very chill. So chill.
Other than the fact that they're both chill, Cool Ranch Doritos are underwhelming and then all of a sudden, the taste comes flooding in and it's so much better than you expected. Did I mention that they're chill?
PISCES (February 19 - March 20): Goldfish
Imaginative, sweet, artistic, wise, and just a little bit held back, a Pisces is extremely wise and creative. You'll never find an imagination as vivid as a Pisces'. A Pisces is a dreamer and a compassionate, gentle, intuitive person. Small and plentiful, Goldfish represent the ideas and emotions of a Pisces, the ultimate perfect pair.
So there you have it, folks—the important thing is that horoscopes can actually tell you once you get through all of the complicated stuff.If you still don't understand how the astrology behind the zodiac signs works, it doesn't matter now, 'cause you've got a new snack for your zodiac to go eat.