If a guy ever approached me with a fork and knife in hand, I would start running in the opposite direction immediately—so why do we call oral sex on a female "eating out?" These are the questions that literally keep me up at night, hence why I'm writing this right now. But let's back TF up first. (If you're currently reading this in class, you might want to dim your screen a little.)

Wait, what is this oral sex you speak of?

Well, when two people really like each other and want to get intimate—just kidding. It's 2016, we all know what's up. 

According to one source, "Oral sex is when you stimulate your partner's genitals with your mouth, lips or tongue." Basically, when a guy (or girl) unbuttons your pants and starts kissing down your stomach, you can throw at least $10 down that "oral sex" is about to happen.

Planned Parenthood breaks it down a little more, describing "oral sex" as everything from "going down on someone" to "eating someone out." And THERE we have it—eating out. What you thought was going to be a romantic Valentine's Day dinner just turned into something else entirely.

So what does it mean to eat a girl out?

Unfortunately, this slang term isn't something I can just call up my family doctor to ask about. So, naturally, I consulted the most trusted source on the internet for all things provocative—Urban Dictionary. According to Urban Dictionary, it is a "term used for performing oral sex on a female, also known as cunnilingus." Informative, but not quite good enough.

Another Urban Dictionary result states, "Eating out is when a man, or in some cases a woman, performs oral sex on a woman, by placing his/her tongue/lips on the genitals (vagina, clit, pussy) and licking or nibbling on either." So does "eating out" come from the act of "licking" and "nibbling?" Potentially.

When did this term originate?

I did some Google hacking and the earliest result I could find dated back to a "Guide to Oral Sex" published in 1995 that featured a section called "How to Eat Pussy." The instructions include everything from "licking it" to "kissing it" to "sucking it"—but no actual explanation behind "eating" it.

In my search for the answer, I realized I wasn't the only one asking the important questions:

You, sir, are so right.

And how many licks does it take to get to the center? The world may never know.

That, my friends, is the definition of "0-100 real quick."

Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer as to where this questionable term originated from, so I will continue not sleeping at night. But no matter where it came from, be sure you know what your boyfriend/girlfriend means by "eating out" for your birthday dinner—and be sure to eat plenty of pineapple beforehand.