In case you didn’t realize, Columbia is in a bit of a sushi crisis. A survey of around 50 Columbia students revealed the dismal state of affairs. People’s comments ranged from “SUSHI IS SO BAD ON CAMPUS PLEASE HELP” to “one time I found a hair in Diana sushi” to “I used to eat a lot of Cafe East sushi but then got tired/disturbed by it.” A hair?! Disturbed?! SOS.

Sushi is supposed to make us feel semi fancy and semi healthy, but instead we’re all stuck scrutinizing expiration dates. Because — let’s be real — avoiding food poisoning is the real priority here. We all know anything remotely close to the sushi we saw in the Jiro documentary is way out of reach.

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Gif courtesy of Photobucket.com

Gotta make the most of what you have, right? Here’s a ranking of the most popular sushi places on and around campus, according to the survey:

1. Lerner Cafe East

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

A lot of people buy sushi here. Let’s just say it’s more because of the convenience than the actual quality of the sushi.

2. Diana Center Cafe/Liz’s Place

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Again, another convenient spot that offers what some say is good sushi. However … #DianaTip: check the expiration date and watch out for hairs, apparently.

3. M2M Asian Grocery

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Tbh, this one is underrated – and cheaper than Cafe East.

4. Westside Market

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Westside wins points in the aesthetic department. The sushi rolls are completely un-squished and fresh-looking. (Are such appearances deceiving? Check the expiration date to find out!) Unless you live on 110th, though, you may not want to make the 5-block trek.

5. Butler Cafe

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Basically, you’re buying your sushi from the frickin library at 10 PM when you’re desperate AF because every dining hall is closed or too far away. (Read: acceptable during exams. Otherwise, pull it together people.) None of this is surprising, though, since Butler is the only place that’s bumpin’ 24/7 around here.

6. Milano Market

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Known for its artisanal, overpriced foods. Looks like there’s a slight discrepancy there when it comes to sushi. But hey, at least you’ll feel less weird buying from here than Butler. #MilanoTip: don’t forget the $10 debit/credit card minimum.

7. Morton Williams

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Photo by Letty DiLeo

Buying raw fish at Mo Willy’s screams potential stomach ache. Get a sandwich instead.

If you get sick of the local MoHi offerings, it might be wise to turn to Seamless. People are feelin’ Vine and even Sushi Sushi (creative, I know).