Sorry to all the pumpkin spice fans out there, but the best part about fall is not a seasonal latte that, quite frankly, borderline assaults your taste buds—it's tailgating. Tailgating combines all of college students' favorite things: day drinking, greasy food, school spirit, and day drinking. This much day drinking, however, might stop you from making it through the whole football game. Avoid the hangover of a lifetime and follow these essential tailgating tips to last through the fourth quarter.
#SpoonTip: Spoon University does not support binge drinking. Please drink responsibly, and keep it classy, friends.
1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
Tailgating is not a sprint, it's a marathon. And the best way to prepare for a marathon is to properly hydrate before the race. This means drinking water both the morning of the tailgate and the night before. Better yet, bring a water bottle with you to the game. You won't even have to lie to security when they accuse you of chugging straight vodka (you did that, but before you got there, obviously).
2. Carb up
Continuing with the marathon metaphor, reach peak performance by carboloading for breakfast before heading to the stadium. For maximum carb consumption efficiency, pick up some bagels to eat at the pregame. Each bagel is equivalent to eating 3.15 pieces of bread, so you'll be carbed up and ready to pound shots in no time (I'm sorry for telling you that about bagels, but if I have to know, you have to know).
3. Make your own mimosas
Try making your own mimosas at home as a twisted homage to your childhood memories of orange juice in the morning. Just mix three parts champagne (hello, Andre) with one part orange juice. Feeling adventurous? Have a weird thing against oranges? Try making these champagne-based mimosa alternatives.
4. Spike your coffee
After two football seasons of spiking my large Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee with vodka, I am convinced that this combination is the elixir of life (and death). Warning: You'll stay buzzed in more ways than one all day, but be cautious when mixing alcohol with caffeine. As a bonus, this upscale Four Loko is much easier to get past security than the real thing. Drink on.
5. Practice your bottle-opening skills
Good luck trying to find a bottle opener at the tailgate when you want to crack open a cold one with the boys (or girls). Fortunate for you, you do not need luck because you practiced opening your bottles on pong tables, spoons, and even your own keys. Better yet, just drink cans of Natty Light.
6. Wear a fanny pack
The fastest way to ruin your tailgate is to lose your wallet or phone in the chaos of the mosh pit for "5 More Hours." Avoid this travesty by stashing any necessities in a fanny pack. You could even stash another bagel in there, nobody's judging.
7. Wear clothes you can dump beer on
Any dedicated tailgater knows that a good ol' beer shower is always part of the fun. Skip the disappointment of ruining your favorite shirt or that fishtail braid you spent four hours on by wearing things you don't mind getting a little (f)ratty. Maybe don't wear white either.
8. Have a meeting spot
With big crowds comes terrible cell service. With terrible cell service comes getting lost. Make sure you and your friends have a backup plan or meeting spot where you can find each other if you get separated.
9. When in doubt, go to Chipotle
Because we know that the best part about the tailgating is not the football game, it's the drunchies afterwards.
Now that you have all of the tools to live your best tailgating life, you're ready to show your team the support it deserves through the last play. If you still don't make it to the winning touchdown, I get it. A (football) minute can feel like a lifetime when your spiked latte wears off.