My eating disorder changed my life in many ways. I have become a stronger person because of all the obstacles I overcame. I also have a different and more positive respect for my body and for my life. I just didn't realize how much of my life I was taking up and wasting worrying about how many calories were in this slice of cake, or that I need to eat less for lunch because I'm having a huge dinner with my family. I also missed out on many social and family events because I was so consumed in not eating too much, so that I wouldn't gain too much weight. Living with anorexia is not easy and it really makes you feel like crap sometimes.
The Back Story
Two years ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia. Being diagnosed with this disorder caused me to turn my life around, and not just my eating habits. While I did have to change how I was eating, I also had to put and end to my exercising habits. I had to consume more food than ever before to make sure that my body was back at a normal weight and BMI, and later on in my recovery I was admitted into an intensive outpatient treatment center (IOP). Although I never was put in residential, I still had to attend this treatment center 3 nights a week for three hours, from 5-8 at night. But what is residential, you may ask? Residential treatment is when you are sent to a treatment facility to live for about 2-3 months. At the facility you eat, and attend individual and group therapy sessions to help you recover. Thankfully, I never had to experience this! But, that doesn't mean that I liked it at the outpatient center either. Looking back on it now, it has made me recognize how much better my eating disorder had gotten and how much further I was in recovery after attending IOP. I may not be fully weight restored or at a healthy and normal BMI, but I am well on my way to that and I feel a whole lot better than before. At this point in my recovery, I have been given the green light to exercise again, but in caution of course. Since I am away at school I only talk to my nutritionist once a week via FaceTime, which is a nice check back into reality. I still have to continue eating a good amount of food, but not quite as much, or it doesn't seem like it is as much because I have begun to stretch my stomach back out towards its normal size. I still have a good chunk of road ahead of me, but I am closer to the finish line than ever before and I couldn't feel better and proud that I have come so far.
Courage
If you are living with an eating disorder there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you will make it out of this! You have to be willing to change your lifestyle and not wait for someone to change you or give you a medication to fix you. My eating disorder changed my life and it can change yours as well. You need to have courage and perseverance throughout the process and you can't give up when it gets uncomfortable and hard. It will get nerve-racking and hard, but I am a living example that you can survive and I know plenty of people who are even further recovered than I am.
A Few Words of Advice
For anyone out there who just diets on and off because it seems healthy or the media tells you it is, you need to STOP! Dieting does nothing for your body. Eating healthy is all in moderation. If I learned anything from this disorder it's that you shouldn't rob your body of anything. Give it what it wants in all aspects and your body will thank you in the long run. Living with anorexia is sh*tty but it isn't impossible.